Although you were gradually saying by to all of us, day by day, as Alzheimers begin to set in and you begin to fade, I still miss you like crazy and wish you were here. I'd take you in any form, but I know you would have never liked it if we would have had to put you in a home--you didn't even like being in ICU for 48 hours--you wanted to climb out of the bed and go to the restaurant. So I have to view your departure as the pure grace of God!
Thankfully you left behind so much--so many beautiful notes. I now realize you were such a methodical, orderly person, as I see the lists and glance through your sermon notes and teaching notes.
The main thing I miss is your spirit. I could just sit near you and we didn't have to say anything--but I just felt better being by you. It didn't matter at all -- whether we were in a crisis or on a vacation--you were always the same. Always trusting God and always positive and smiling.
I love you so much. Death is so final but I know it is just a temporary separation, as soon we will all be joined together at the greatest reunion of all time.
Today was Memorial Day, so we went and saw your tombstone. You would have liked it. The Military Cemetery is gorgeous and every grave had a flag on it today. You are situated on a beautiful hillside in Portland, so when the rapture takes place, I know it will be a very beautiful view for you as your two brothers join you in the air from the same cemetery. Ah, I hope Jesus lets me glimpse that!
When I really miss you a lot, I can go and look through your notes in your dresser drawer. I know you wouldn't mind. Tonight I found this poem that I had apparently emailed in the summer of 2002 (back when I still felt like I had a brain). As I read this poem, I realized that this has to be in my heart as I start this summer of 2012. You instilled so much faith and hope in me and I now have a duty to transfer that knowledge to others in this City of Portland and beyond.
UP
No longer do I live in the country of hopelessness,
Bound in the state of fear,
Abiding in the city of unbelief.
I am GOing Up in the Spirit!
Climbing ever upward to higher realms of faith and victory.
As I climb higher in the spirit,
New victories are unfolding in my life daily.
You see, I am no longer earthbound, but heavenbound.
So through petty earthbound trials,
I just praise the Lord!
Oh, it's so beautiful here, living in the Spirit.
Earth's trials are so small,
God's presence so very near.
Summer 2002, Deborah J. Mostyn